A week and more...

I had wanted to write something last Thursday which was the 1 week anniversary of my return to the 'States, but I was really busy I guess. Really busy. It's difficult to imagine how fast my daily-life responsibilities popped up and started to give me agitation.

I need to pick up my cello and practice. I need to do college essay work. I need to go to the dentist. I need to go to the orthodontist. I need to be happy all the time. I need to do this, I need to do that.

My mother was actually extremely giving last night as she let me go out to a late movie. I was actually pretty surprised that she let me do this because she's already loaded down with stress and I feel somewhat bad/cruel that I didn't just turn-around and reschedule with my friend, which would have been easier than let her be stressed out. Oh well...such is the idiot fucking brain of a teenager.

In a couple of minutes I'm going to need to get up, eat breakie, and go to the dentist. Every time I think of the dentist, I'm reminded of the fact that I need to get my wisdom teeth out. What a fucking drag. My parents never got their wisdom teeth pulled. My friend's older brother got them out and he was incapacitated for 3 days. Jeeez....I really don't want to have to deal with that crap. Things are stressful enough.

From our financial instability to my inability to get a job, I'm feeling very, very stressed out and also like an asshole. My brothers are growing up and I'm so nervous about how they'll turn out. I want them to be amazing people and do amazing things. Alex, I think, is so good at math and stuff and he's also clever when he's actually thinking that I know he'll go far. But I also hope that Sam develops into a strong, normal person. Not like his oldest brother who's decidedly abnormal on this inside. See? That's something I have to worry about as well.

No one reads this stupid blog, but I imagine that people do. I imagine that the more I post on it, the more it can become poetry. I think all of it can become poetry. And then I'll gather it all up and love it as my words regardless of whether or not people read it.