I keep telling people that I have a terrible memory. I was thinking, earlier, that this isn't true at all.
I have a very good memory...I guess I just say I don't as a cover up..?...I'm not sure...
I remember almost everything.
My apartment on the west side I lived in when I was little...
Elementary school...
The terrible things I've done...the foolish things I've done.
The stupid things people around me have done.
I remember all of it.
And the biggest problem is that I hold strong grudges.
I find that the people who truly anger me are those whose true nature offends me. There are apologists out there that would tell me to forgive...but how dare you?
People who forgive terrorists-how dare they do that?
People who forgive immorality- how dare they do that?
People who tell me to forgive the people who hurt me-how dare they do that?
I strongly believe that people are who they are and will truly never change....they may seem differrent, but on the inside, not much evolves once one reaches a certain point. I am compassionate, so I will be tolerant of others...I dont want to stick my nose into other people's business. But I absolutely 100% refuse to tolerate offenses that violate morals that I intend to live by.
I am not without fault...but...
I will never forget the things that offend me. I think I've worn the mask of lies for too long, and things have started to undo themselves...
---
I almost never do homework at home anymore...
My backpack is fucking disorganized and filled with junk.
I feel lightheaded.
I need to cut my nails.
I played my PSP too much today.
---
By the way. One thing I hate so very much, is when people the same age as I am think they can tell me what to do or think, or question my judgment.
To all those people---fuck off. I can't think of a time I've ever directly questioned someone's actions. I only ever state my opinion, if it's opposite to their's, but I never contradict. That's their business...
Bleh
I'm getting a bit annoyed that I don't get 3G cell service in my bedroom, which is one of the main places I use my phone...
Blehhh
Blehhh
Just....
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
Bullshit
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1 comments
Just.......dammit
I have so many unnecessary things to deal with...
I need to get away; I can't wait for summer...just to get the hell away from here; to get away from all of this.
Psychological pain is one of the worst; it can be just as painful as an open wound, but it heals so, so much more slowly. I have such deep lacerations in my soul, and I have no one to help me stitch them; there are things I simply cannot say.
I need my fair part of life; I've been bombarded with the unfair parts over and over again.
Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen.
I have so many unnecessary things to deal with...
- Stupid idiot people
- Schoolwork
- My abnormalities
I need to get away; I can't wait for summer...just to get the hell away from here; to get away from all of this.
Psychological pain is one of the worst; it can be just as painful as an open wound, but it heals so, so much more slowly. I have such deep lacerations in my soul, and I have no one to help me stitch them; there are things I simply cannot say.
I need my fair part of life; I've been bombarded with the unfair parts over and over again.
Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen.
1:24 AM
Anime did weird things to my head tonight.
I was thinking though...Japanese has some of the most beautiful sounding words...
時々僕に分からない
I'm sorta not looking forward to track tomorrow.
And to all my friends who read this blog...to anyone who reads this blog:
Sweet Dreams.
I was thinking though...Japanese has some of the most beautiful sounding words...
時々僕に分からない
I'm sorta not looking forward to track tomorrow.
And to all my friends who read this blog...to anyone who reads this blog:
Sweet Dreams.
Spring Break #9
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
Anime,
High School,
Japan,
Life,
Love,
Religion,
Tradgedy
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Track practice was a drag today...I was out of my groove at the beginning, but I gradually became more comfortable with running.
Coach told me he wants me to try out some throwing just to see if I'd be able to do it. We'll see; I'm not too enthusiastic about it...
To get to the point of this post...
I recently finished watching an Anime, the name of it will remain undisclosed because I don't want to discuss the show. Rather, I want to talk about the themes.
Often, in good Anime, the writers will attempt to set up a situation where the line between good and evil is blurred to nothing. People who are good and people who are evil are one and the same. This situation created in the particular Anime I watched was not impossible....The many different characters in it were placed in unbearable situations where they had to make choices that were good and bad at the same time. It made me think a lot about the good and evil in the world.
First, this particular Anime lays out the idea that humans are all capable of being extremely wicked, but also extremely good. This is exactly what makes us so volatile. Freud would have agreed with this theory...We all have the capacity to be selfish and horrible.
It is undeniable.
Every day this happens: in politics, in news-media, friends, family...and me, oh yes, me. I, too, am horrible on the inside...
But even though we are all horrible, many of us try to make up for it by being as virtuous as possible. This, unfortunately, brings us to the next problem. This situation is impossible because everyone has conflicting viewpoints all the time because we are all different people.
The problem, unfortunately, is society. Because we humans create this thing called "society," we are all forced into acting in ways that are fundamentally wrong.
Society prevents so many people from being who they truly are on the inside.
This is not to say that murderers or other people who commit crimes should be allowed to act upon their desires. No. This is the place where society comes in handy.
The solution is to modify society. Over the past 3,000 years, societies has been firmly directed by the will of an omnipotent god who will no longer show himself to us.
To me personally, this angers me to no end:
Why would someone who has created me in his image, make me so hideous in his eyes?
I cannot understand it. This society ruled by one god has ruined the lives of millions and millions of people throughout history, not just in the present day.
Because of religion in general:
The Jews were made slaves in Egypt.
Jesus was crucified which caused the eventual creation of Christianity as we know it.
Because of Christianity, millions of Jews have been murdered ever since, in numerous events in the history of Europe.
Also, Christians murdered in the name of Jesus all over the world:
Indigenous peoples
Asians...
Then there comes Islam.
Because of Islam, millions of people, not just Jews, continue to be murdered.
If religion cannot be used to make life sacred, than it must be destroyed.
The only religion that may stand is Judaism, of course. Only for the reason that there is a fundamental emphasis that life should be lived in a beautiful and noble way, even if not all of it is in service to god...it's impossible to be truly loyal.
The reason for this is, again, humans are fundamentally selfish and deny themselves so many things by bending to religion unthinkingly, although with fundamentalist Islam, giving everything is to take as many lives of non-believers as possible.
The opposite argument is this: for thousands of years, people were able to accept and live a "religious" life.
My rebuttal: Sure, this is true, but only really at the beginning. When god showed himself to humans, of course we were able to obey him!
When god removed himself from our presence, it left humans to become wicked: The Crusades, the Pogroms, the murders of Native Americans, and more were all done in the name of god.
How dare they do that.
I know that some people are reading this entry...most people will definitely disagree on the things I've written here.
The truth is that it hurts me so much to think these things...I am weeping.
I wish so badly that everything would be so different...I wish so badly for a world without pointless killing, without pointless laws, without corruption, without prejudice.
Is it so much to ask?
I love my religion so deeply. I love it as much as anything in the world. The reason for this is best explained by simply saying that Judaism gives me a reason to fight injustice. It gives me a reason to fight against hypocrisy and the fucking idiot people who plague us. I love humanity, and I believe it can rise up and be a wonderful, amazing thing. Everything will be accepted: all religions will coexist peacefully, homosexuality, Old, young, rich, poor...
The criminals will be easily pulled from the good.
Aren't these things things that everyone would want? Anyone?
Many of these things are not possible right now.
There needs to be a reformation of society, or everything will combust violently. People need to learn what it means to be human.
The terrorists would need to learn what it really means to take life: to end something so precious and rare. The foolish politicians throughout the world must come to understand what it means to be a terrorist in the name of Allah: that negotiations are impossible and they should be treated as such.
Right now, just those two things seem impossible.
I don't want to think about these things anymore...I'm not sure anything I've written makes sense.
In my heart I am only one person. And in my actions I will always be one person.
And all I want is to be saved.
Coach told me he wants me to try out some throwing just to see if I'd be able to do it. We'll see; I'm not too enthusiastic about it...
To get to the point of this post...
I recently finished watching an Anime, the name of it will remain undisclosed because I don't want to discuss the show. Rather, I want to talk about the themes.
Often, in good Anime, the writers will attempt to set up a situation where the line between good and evil is blurred to nothing. People who are good and people who are evil are one and the same. This situation created in the particular Anime I watched was not impossible....The many different characters in it were placed in unbearable situations where they had to make choices that were good and bad at the same time. It made me think a lot about the good and evil in the world.
First, this particular Anime lays out the idea that humans are all capable of being extremely wicked, but also extremely good. This is exactly what makes us so volatile. Freud would have agreed with this theory...We all have the capacity to be selfish and horrible.
It is undeniable.
Every day this happens: in politics, in news-media, friends, family...and me, oh yes, me. I, too, am horrible on the inside...
But even though we are all horrible, many of us try to make up for it by being as virtuous as possible. This, unfortunately, brings us to the next problem. This situation is impossible because everyone has conflicting viewpoints all the time because we are all different people.
The problem, unfortunately, is society. Because we humans create this thing called "society," we are all forced into acting in ways that are fundamentally wrong.
Society prevents so many people from being who they truly are on the inside.
This is not to say that murderers or other people who commit crimes should be allowed to act upon their desires. No. This is the place where society comes in handy.
The solution is to modify society. Over the past 3,000 years, societies has been firmly directed by the will of an omnipotent god who will no longer show himself to us.
To me personally, this angers me to no end:
Why would someone who has created me in his image, make me so hideous in his eyes?
I cannot understand it. This society ruled by one god has ruined the lives of millions and millions of people throughout history, not just in the present day.
Because of religion in general:
The Jews were made slaves in Egypt.
Jesus was crucified which caused the eventual creation of Christianity as we know it.
Because of Christianity, millions of Jews have been murdered ever since, in numerous events in the history of Europe.
Also, Christians murdered in the name of Jesus all over the world:
Indigenous peoples
Asians...
Then there comes Islam.
Because of Islam, millions of people, not just Jews, continue to be murdered.
If religion cannot be used to make life sacred, than it must be destroyed.
The only religion that may stand is Judaism, of course. Only for the reason that there is a fundamental emphasis that life should be lived in a beautiful and noble way, even if not all of it is in service to god...it's impossible to be truly loyal.
The reason for this is, again, humans are fundamentally selfish and deny themselves so many things by bending to religion unthinkingly, although with fundamentalist Islam, giving everything is to take as many lives of non-believers as possible.
The opposite argument is this: for thousands of years, people were able to accept and live a "religious" life.
My rebuttal: Sure, this is true, but only really at the beginning. When god showed himself to humans, of course we were able to obey him!
When god removed himself from our presence, it left humans to become wicked: The Crusades, the Pogroms, the murders of Native Americans, and more were all done in the name of god.
How dare they do that.
I know that some people are reading this entry...most people will definitely disagree on the things I've written here.
The truth is that it hurts me so much to think these things...I am weeping.
I wish so badly that everything would be so different...I wish so badly for a world without pointless killing, without pointless laws, without corruption, without prejudice.
Is it so much to ask?
I love my religion so deeply. I love it as much as anything in the world. The reason for this is best explained by simply saying that Judaism gives me a reason to fight injustice. It gives me a reason to fight against hypocrisy and the fucking idiot people who plague us. I love humanity, and I believe it can rise up and be a wonderful, amazing thing. Everything will be accepted: all religions will coexist peacefully, homosexuality, Old, young, rich, poor...
The criminals will be easily pulled from the good.
Aren't these things things that everyone would want? Anyone?
Many of these things are not possible right now.
There needs to be a reformation of society, or everything will combust violently. People need to learn what it means to be human.
The terrorists would need to learn what it really means to take life: to end something so precious and rare. The foolish politicians throughout the world must come to understand what it means to be a terrorist in the name of Allah: that negotiations are impossible and they should be treated as such.
Right now, just those two things seem impossible.
I don't want to think about these things anymore...I'm not sure anything I've written makes sense.
In my heart I am only one person. And in my actions I will always be one person.
And all I want is to be saved.
Leaving Boston =(
We're sitting in the lobby now...we had to leave the room or we would've had to pay for the room again...fat chance.
I ate SUCH fattening food today...I should've taken a picture. We went to this burger joint that my Dad used to go to when he was at Harvard. I had a jalepeno burger and my dad had a ruben burger. Yum!
Onion rings and french fries too.
In order to be able to eat the burger, I had to swear to myself that I'd work really hard at track practice.
I felt kinda bad for my dad though...I really don't understand what he's doing about his health...it's not 100%. Hopefully my mom will help him out; I have no idea what to do. He makes very bad eating decisions, and he can't do enough exercise to burn it off. He knows he's a borderline diabetic, but it doesn't look like he's making any great effort to change his situation.
Thinking about this is making me quite depressed though...I need him to live long enough for him to see me happy in life, which is quite a long while away.
I know that there are some things...well, a lot of things that my dad expects of me that I know I'll never be able to do. I resign myself to the fact that I'm going to try very hard to make him happy...but I also need to think of my happiness...
ANYWAY!
I guess that's that! Goodbye Boston!..I'll see you in a couple months for the anime convention!...
I ate SUCH fattening food today...I should've taken a picture. We went to this burger joint that my Dad used to go to when he was at Harvard. I had a jalepeno burger and my dad had a ruben burger. Yum!
Onion rings and french fries too.
In order to be able to eat the burger, I had to swear to myself that I'd work really hard at track practice.
I felt kinda bad for my dad though...I really don't understand what he's doing about his health...it's not 100%. Hopefully my mom will help him out; I have no idea what to do. He makes very bad eating decisions, and he can't do enough exercise to burn it off. He knows he's a borderline diabetic, but it doesn't look like he's making any great effort to change his situation.
Thinking about this is making me quite depressed though...I need him to live long enough for him to see me happy in life, which is quite a long while away.
I know that there are some things...well, a lot of things that my dad expects of me that I know I'll never be able to do. I resign myself to the fact that I'm going to try very hard to make him happy...but I also need to think of my happiness...
ANYWAY!
I guess that's that! Goodbye Boston!..I'll see you in a couple months for the anime convention!...
Morning
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Boston,
College,
Fun,
Life
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I'm sitting in the lobby writing this. My dad is working really hard on presentations for work, but we hope to leave at 11:00 to go to Tufts.
At breakfast I had a smoothie...it was so delicious, I took a picture to make you all jealous...after drinking quite a bit of it...
YUMMMMM...I feel like I'm on vacation now!
My lips were soooo chapped, I bought chapstick at the hotel shop...it was $2.50 omg...
-- Posted from my iPhone
At breakfast I had a smoothie...it was so delicious, I took a picture to make you all jealous...after drinking quite a bit of it...
YUMMMMM...I feel like I'm on vacation now!
My lips were soooo chapped, I bought chapstick at the hotel shop...it was $2.50 omg...
-- Posted from my iPhone
Bad Night's Sleep
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Boston,
Bullshit,
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High School
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I barely slept at all last night due to the fact that my dad snores sooo loud...I managed to get to sleep at 10, but he woke me up around 4:30 with a particularly loud snore. I decided to grab my headphones and I turned on the second movement of the emperor's concerto, by Beethoven.
The hotel is really nice, but I feel like we're the only people here...but that's obviously wrong, a lot of people come to visit colleges around this time.
I'm a bit annoyed at my dad for 2 reasons, based on the fact that we're supposed to e penny pinching; our funds are tight. But #1 he decides we should fly there instead of taking the train....flying is pretty expensive. The train would've only taken a couple of hours max. and #2 he makes a reservation at the Ritz-Carlton at $300 a night or something....it all just seems like bad judgement.
He is in a lot of pain, though, because of his back, so, again, I'm going to give him a free pass.
We're going to visit Harvard and Tufts...I would've liked to stay 1 more day, but we can't. I'll probably end up visiting more colleges with my mom.
The hotel is really nice, but I feel like we're the only people here...but that's obviously wrong, a lot of people come to visit colleges around this time.
I'm a bit annoyed at my dad for 2 reasons, based on the fact that we're supposed to e penny pinching; our funds are tight. But #1 he decides we should fly there instead of taking the train....flying is pretty expensive. The train would've only taken a couple of hours max. and #2 he makes a reservation at the Ritz-Carlton at $300 a night or something....it all just seems like bad judgement.
He is in a lot of pain, though, because of his back, so, again, I'm going to give him a free pass.
We're going to visit Harvard and Tufts...I would've liked to stay 1 more day, but we can't. I'll probably end up visiting more colleges with my mom.
Aunt Karen's House
I'm at La Guardia airport posting this message...I'm still sort of confused why we're not taking a train, but whatever...
It was a little bit crazy checking in; the machine didn't want to print my boarding pass...but everything's okay now. I'm glad. I have my driver's license because I forgot my passport.
Anyway,
Aunt Karen's house was a lot of fun, Olive got to play a lot!
Here are some pictures:
My aunt has an amazing backyard.
And here's a picture of my dad now:
He's in a lot of pain because his back went out...
I'll post more from the hotel later...
I gotta get the itinerary in order.
-- Posted from my iPhone
It was a little bit crazy checking in; the machine didn't want to print my boarding pass...but everything's okay now. I'm glad. I have my driver's license because I forgot my passport.
Anyway,
Aunt Karen's house was a lot of fun, Olive got to play a lot!
Here are some pictures:
My aunt has an amazing backyard.
And here's a picture of my dad now:
He's in a lot of pain because his back went out...
I'll post more from the hotel later...
I gotta get the itinerary in order.
-- Posted from my iPhone
To Boston!
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
Boston,
Bullshit,
High School
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So, I'm going to Boston today, with my dad, to visit colleges. However, my dad messed up and fucked the itinerary so that we can only stay for one full day.
My mom said she'd make it up to me...the truth is that I dont' really mind. I know I'll eventually visit everything, it's not a problem. It's just a little annoying that my dad couldn't've moved his schedule around just this once...he works really hard though, so I'm going to give him a pass.
Also, he really hurt his back, so he's in a lot of pain all the time.
I gotta go take a shower lolz...
I can't wait to blog from Boston!!!!
Also, he really hurt his back, so he's in a lot of pain all the time.
I gotta go take a shower lolz...
I can't wait to blog from Boston!!!!
Lucky Break
My mom's letting me stay home on the condition that I go meet her at the Rabbi's house at 1:45.
The truth is I really am sick.
I'm going to learn 10 more kanji today and try to remember the ones I learned last week...
They were really important ones..about medicine and stuff...
**looks at kanji book**
Oh, it's classroom vocabulary....really useful stuff. The book I'm using is in supplement to the one I'm using in school; I'm trying to teach myself extra kanji before I go to Japan (I hope!!!)
The truth is I really am sick.
I'm going to learn 10 more kanji today and try to remember the ones I learned last week...
They were really important ones..about medicine and stuff...
**looks at kanji book**
Oh, it's classroom vocabulary....really useful stuff. The book I'm using is in supplement to the one I'm using in school; I'm trying to teach myself extra kanji before I go to Japan (I hope!!!)
Spring Break #8
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
High School,
NYC,
Religion,
Sexuality,
Sports
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1 comments
I'm such a clutz. I went over to my friend Ben's house yesterday from 3-11 to play Resident Evil 5. Everything goes fine until I spill a fucking glass of coffee. I clean it up, but I got some magazines and papers wet. This is the second time I've spilled something at their house away from the kitchen table: I had spilled iced tea on their couch...how embarrassing...\
Then I spilled water all over myself.
I think my lack of spacial awareness come from the fact that I've been inhaling aerosol for too long...I gotta stop doing it, and I have, but not long ago. I hope my brain cells come back; I need them for my math final. And while we're on that subject, I also need to stop getting C's on my math tests, so my parents don't flip out.
I'm really sick today, but there's this stupid luncheon at the Rabbi's house and my mom is going to make me go to synagogue and the luncheon. The problem is that I'm having a lot of trouble believing in god for many different reasons (maybe I'll talk about them later). Going to synagogue just makes me feel angry because I don't feel the emotion in the prayers like I used to. I need to figure it out. Maybe one day, I'll be somewhere, and I'll say "Oh god, I'm so glad I'm Jewish," or "I know why people believe in god now..." But as of yet, I haven't found the reason. Maybe I need to go back to Israel and feel the magic there...the fact that Israel continues to exist is probably enough of reason to believe in god.
My mom just came home with chocolate croissants...and I think of Gabby because she's actually in gay Paris. But I think she's going to London today...she's probably on the train right now. Bon Voyage, Gabby!...
I decided not to go out for a job, I already have track to worry about...I'd get really fat without track, but maybe it'd be okay, because I'd be making some money...
On second thought, that's a stupid thing to say. I'd rather have my health than money.
Then I spilled water all over myself.
I think my lack of spacial awareness come from the fact that I've been inhaling aerosol for too long...I gotta stop doing it, and I have, but not long ago. I hope my brain cells come back; I need them for my math final. And while we're on that subject, I also need to stop getting C's on my math tests, so my parents don't flip out.
I'm really sick today, but there's this stupid luncheon at the Rabbi's house and my mom is going to make me go to synagogue and the luncheon. The problem is that I'm having a lot of trouble believing in god for many different reasons (maybe I'll talk about them later). Going to synagogue just makes me feel angry because I don't feel the emotion in the prayers like I used to. I need to figure it out. Maybe one day, I'll be somewhere, and I'll say "Oh god, I'm so glad I'm Jewish," or "I know why people believe in god now..." But as of yet, I haven't found the reason. Maybe I need to go back to Israel and feel the magic there...the fact that Israel continues to exist is probably enough of reason to believe in god.
My mom just came home with chocolate croissants...and I think of Gabby because she's actually in gay Paris. But I think she's going to London today...she's probably on the train right now. Bon Voyage, Gabby!...
I decided not to go out for a job, I already have track to worry about...I'd get really fat without track, but maybe it'd be okay, because I'd be making some money...
On second thought, that's a stupid thing to say. I'd rather have my health than money.
Spring Break #7
My observation of the day:
The kanji for "cat" and "draw/paint" are shockingly similar. See pictures below:
You'll never believe this either!!!: they have the SAME on-yomi (Chinese reading): byou.
Crazy, huh? I'm gonna ask my Japanese teacher about it after vacation. Credit goes to http://www.mahou.org/ for the images and kanji look up.
I couldn't get a job at the Japan Society; they don't have job openings.
I'm going to go to Kinokuniya and Book Off to see if they'll give me a part time job: I'm desperate.
The kanji for "cat" and "draw/paint" are shockingly similar. See pictures below:
Cat
Draw/ Paint
You'll never believe this either!!!: they have the SAME on-yomi (Chinese reading): byou.
Crazy, huh? I'm gonna ask my Japanese teacher about it after vacation. Credit goes to http://www.mahou.org/ for the images and kanji look up.
I couldn't get a job at the Japan Society; they don't have job openings.
I'm going to go to Kinokuniya and Book Off to see if they'll give me a part time job: I'm desperate.
Spring Break #6
This is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever listened to...it's from the French movie "Les Choristes"
I thought of you Gabby, while I was listening to it, cuz you're in Paris...
Here's the iTunes link for it: http://tinyurl.com/la-nuit
I thought of you Gabby, while I was listening to it, cuz you're in Paris...
Here's the iTunes link for it: http://tinyurl.com/la-nuit
Les Choristes La Nuit:
O nuit, viens apporter à la terre
Le calme enchantement de ton mystère
L'ombre qui t'escorte est si douce
Si doux est le concert de tes voix chantant l'espérance
Si grand est ton pouvoir transformant tout en rêve heureux
O nuit, ô laisse encore à la terre
Le calme enchantement de ton mystère
L'ombre qui t'escorte est si douce
Est-il une beauté aussi belle que le rêve ?
Est-il de vérité plus douce que l'espérance ?
Today was pretty normal for a change...I love working with Steve at MNS; it's actually pretty relaxing. I'm thinking about getting some sort of job at the Japan Society...I think they'd take me!...
God, I'm not really looking forward to college visits...bleh...I have an itinerary written up...
I'm also not looking forward to cello. Fucking, fucking, fuck, cello. I'm sorta saying to myself: "look, in a year, you won't see her (my cello teacher) ever again. Also, you'll (hopeful-fucking-ly) be in Japan for 6 weeks when you'll forget all about her and her shenanigans."
O nuit, viens apporter à la terre
Le calme enchantement de ton mystère
L'ombre qui t'escorte est si douce
Si doux est le concert de tes voix chantant l'espérance
Si grand est ton pouvoir transformant tout en rêve heureux
O nuit, ô laisse encore à la terre
Le calme enchantement de ton mystère
L'ombre qui t'escorte est si douce
Est-il une beauté aussi belle que le rêve ?
Est-il de vérité plus douce que l'espérance ?
Today was pretty normal for a change...I love working with Steve at MNS; it's actually pretty relaxing. I'm thinking about getting some sort of job at the Japan Society...I think they'd take me!...
God, I'm not really looking forward to college visits...bleh...I have an itinerary written up...
I'm also not looking forward to cello. Fucking, fucking, fuck, cello. I'm sorta saying to myself: "look, in a year, you won't see her (my cello teacher) ever again. Also, you'll (hopeful-fucking-ly) be in Japan for 6 weeks when you'll forget all about her and her shenanigans."
Spring Break #5
Today was exciting for a number of reasons. I went to see an exhibit at the Japan Society called "Krazy!: The Delirious World of Anime and Manga"...
I LOVED it...it also helped my dad understand why I love anime and manga so much.
Student admission is $8, Adult is $10
http://www.japansociety.org/event_detail?eid=6ee001d9
On the way down, the taxi driver was crazy!...he decided at one point to speed down the "bus only" lane at 50 mph or something...and swerved a lot. I felt bad for my dad because he was the one sitting in the front.
Afterwards, my dad just had to go to Smith and Woolensky's grill, where we all got burgers...
The day went on until Zoe Maltby's surprise birthday party...and boy was she surprised.
It was a little awkward for me at first, because there were a lot of people I wasn't friendly with, but it ended up working out. It was a lot of fun....
Scratch that: it was more fun than I thought it was going to be.
I'm exhausted. Tomorrow I'm going to my old elementary school to do a community service job...it should be fun!!!
There's a lot more serious stuff I wanna get out, but I'm too tired to type...
I LOVED it...it also helped my dad understand why I love anime and manga so much.
Student admission is $8, Adult is $10
http://www.japansociety.org/event_detail?eid=6ee001d9
On the way down, the taxi driver was crazy!...he decided at one point to speed down the "bus only" lane at 50 mph or something...and swerved a lot. I felt bad for my dad because he was the one sitting in the front.
Afterwards, my dad just had to go to Smith and Woolensky's grill, where we all got burgers...
The day went on until Zoe Maltby's surprise birthday party...and boy was she surprised.
It was a little awkward for me at first, because there were a lot of people I wasn't friendly with, but it ended up working out. It was a lot of fun....
Scratch that: it was more fun than I thought it was going to be.
I'm exhausted. Tomorrow I'm going to my old elementary school to do a community service job...it should be fun!!!
There's a lot more serious stuff I wanna get out, but I'm too tired to type...
New Wallet!!!
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Labels:
Anime,
Japan,
NYC
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comments
I decided to get a new wallet...I think it's time for a change...
(you can click to see a bigger image)
I got it from www.poketo.com...they have the coolest stuff there. I'm really happy, and I can't wait for it to come!!!
(you can click to see a bigger image)
I got it from www.poketo.com...they have the coolest stuff there. I'm really happy, and I can't wait for it to come!!!
Hahah!!!
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Labels:
Anime,
Japan
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0
comments
I love these videos....
http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-490282/neko-rahmen-7/
http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-490266/neko-rahmen-12/
http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-490282/neko-rahmen-7/
http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-490266/neko-rahmen-12/
Frick
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
NYC
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Turns out I'm not driving...
Instead we're going to see an exhibit at the Japan society....which is pretty cool I guess. I'm excited about it.
I'll take pictures and post them up ^_^.
Instead we're going to see an exhibit at the Japan society....which is pretty cool I guess. I'm excited about it.
I'll take pictures and post them up ^_^.
Spring Break #4
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Life,
NYC
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comments
I changed the entries to "spring break #*" Because I don't really feel like I'm on vacation, and I'm pretty sure I won't feel like it.
I'm driving my dad up to our Aunt's house today, but I don't remember why. I'm just glad my mom trusts me enough to let me drive the car without her in it. I want to make her proud, so I'm really gonna concentrate. I can already feel myself perspiring uncontrollably.
Resident Evil 5 was AWESOMEEEEE.....Ben and I played up 'till chapter 4...I think maybe 9 hours of solid gaming. What'd'ya think of that?...we're almost done with it I think...
I like the song you uploaded gabby... =).
I wish I could play the guitar or piano sometimes....
I'm driving my dad up to our Aunt's house today, but I don't remember why. I'm just glad my mom trusts me enough to let me drive the car without her in it. I want to make her proud, so I'm really gonna concentrate. I can already feel myself perspiring uncontrollably.
Resident Evil 5 was AWESOMEEEEE.....Ben and I played up 'till chapter 4...I think maybe 9 hours of solid gaming. What'd'ya think of that?...we're almost done with it I think...
I like the song you uploaded gabby... =).
I wish I could play the guitar or piano sometimes....
Spring Break #3
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
Life,
NYC
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I went downtown to eat at Hiroko's Place, a nice little Japanese café, with my dad.
View Larger Map
It's a cute little place, with stuff like Omu-Rice (an omelet with ketchup, rice, and chicken in it) and good curry.
The subways were so crowded today...it was beautiful outside, so I guess the tourists came out to have fun.
Afterwards, my dad and I got onto the subway to go back up town. There was a young gay couple sitting across from us.
In situations like these, I get very nervous because my dad is very, very conservative. It's sort of interesting really...it's like he creates a barrier between them and himself; they're part of the group of crazies that you have to ignore on the subway. But for me, on the inside, I just want him to see that gay people can be in responsible relationships. They're not running around molesting children, or getting AIDS...we're all human beings.
One day, I want to be in a relationship like that...they seemed so content with each other. Nothing mattered to them, just the fact that they were doing things together. The optimism of it gave me such a warm feeling inside, I may never feel scared of anything again. In them, I saw the hope of a life without boundaries or painful regrets, regrets that tear at you and never truly heal...I understand that getting hurt is part of life, obviously. But there's a difference in getting hurt when someone's there to support you, than if you're all alone till the day you die, regretting you never tried anything.
View Larger Map
It's a cute little place, with stuff like Omu-Rice (an omelet with ketchup, rice, and chicken in it) and good curry.
The subways were so crowded today...it was beautiful outside, so I guess the tourists came out to have fun.
Afterwards, my dad and I got onto the subway to go back up town. There was a young gay couple sitting across from us.
In situations like these, I get very nervous because my dad is very, very conservative. It's sort of interesting really...it's like he creates a barrier between them and himself; they're part of the group of crazies that you have to ignore on the subway. But for me, on the inside, I just want him to see that gay people can be in responsible relationships. They're not running around molesting children, or getting AIDS...we're all human beings.
One day, I want to be in a relationship like that...they seemed so content with each other. Nothing mattered to them, just the fact that they were doing things together. The optimism of it gave me such a warm feeling inside, I may never feel scared of anything again. In them, I saw the hope of a life without boundaries or painful regrets, regrets that tear at you and never truly heal...I understand that getting hurt is part of life, obviously. But there's a difference in getting hurt when someone's there to support you, than if you're all alone till the day you die, regretting you never tried anything.
Spring Break #2
I'm thinking about getting the fuck out of my house and walk around the city...I dunno where, but I wish it was warmer so I could just go out without a heavy coat...I really don't feel like being at home.
My parents, my mom at least, continues to believe that I was the only one at fault with this thing with my cello teacher. This, of course, is complete bullshit. I still can't believe my teacher reacted to my behavior in the way that she did. It's really quite unbelievable. I heard my mom talking from the kitchen to my dad saying "Debbie was absolutely right. Jacob did not take responsibility for not knowing..." blah blah blah...Such a trivial thing to get upset over. I'm going to copy-paste the email she sent me so you can get a better idea of the bullshit:
Hi Erica,
I just wanted to talk to you about our lesson today. We started off working on some of the things that Pam mentioned. He for some reason thinks that we've never talked about "flexible fingers and colle' bowing". He forgot his notebook and happened to have his old notebook so we flipped through it and I showed him where we talked about flexible fingers and colle' etc. This tends to happen where he forgets what we work on and for some reason always thinks that I only tellmand teach Alec certain things. Anyway, the manner in which he was responding was very rude so I ended our lesson early. I hope that you understand that I cannot allow students to talk that way and Jacob is never rude in lessons (ironically I sent you that earlier email). I don't know if he is going through something and just wanted to see if you had any input. Also, I gave him the power putty (Pam also mentioned it in the master class) in the summer but his doctor didn't seem to think that much of it so we didn't continue to use it. I would like to try it again since Pam thinks that it's a good idea but let me know if his doctor thinks it might make things worse. Also, tell him not to use it yet but to bring it to our next lesson. Let me know if you have any info.
-Debbie
That's the email down to the letter. It's just crazy, I really don't get it. Every day this conflict goes on makes me have less confidence in adults as a majority. If I had been the teacher in this situation, there'd be know way in hell I'd let it get to me, and I certainly wouldn't email the student's mother over something so obviously trivial. And now my mom is fucking mad at me for this dumb thing. Fucking yuck. But I'm trying , really, really hard to get it off my mind and make it not matter; I want to be a strong person like that. If I let it get to me, it's gonna ruin my entire fucking vacation, no doubt about it.
I took a shower in the dark last night.
My bathroom is constructed so that no light can get in from the outside, so I was absolutely blind. I want to describe the experience. I had to keep my eyes closed because they began to throb from the strain of trying to see. It was impossible to see anything. I know my bathroom very well (it's small) so I knew where everything was, but it was impossible to know one bottle from the next. I had to smell them in order to figure out what was the shampoo for dandruff and what was the body wash...
I began to read Franny and Zooey this morning...it looks interesting, but I have to use a lot of concentration to read it; it easy to lose my way in the dark black text with very little spacing between the lines.
My parents, my mom at least, continues to believe that I was the only one at fault with this thing with my cello teacher. This, of course, is complete bullshit. I still can't believe my teacher reacted to my behavior in the way that she did. It's really quite unbelievable. I heard my mom talking from the kitchen to my dad saying "Debbie was absolutely right. Jacob did not take responsibility for not knowing..." blah blah blah...Such a trivial thing to get upset over. I'm going to copy-paste the email she sent me so you can get a better idea of the bullshit:
Hi Erica,
I just wanted to talk to you about our lesson today. We started off working on some of the things that Pam mentioned. He for some reason thinks that we've never talked about "flexible fingers and colle' bowing". He forgot his notebook and happened to have his old notebook so we flipped through it and I showed him where we talked about flexible fingers and colle' etc. This tends to happen where he forgets what we work on and for some reason always thinks that I only tellmand teach Alec certain things. Anyway, the manner in which he was responding was very rude so I ended our lesson early. I hope that you understand that I cannot allow students to talk that way and Jacob is never rude in lessons (ironically I sent you that earlier email). I don't know if he is going through something and just wanted to see if you had any input. Also, I gave him the power putty (Pam also mentioned it in the master class) in the summer but his doctor didn't seem to think that much of it so we didn't continue to use it. I would like to try it again since Pam thinks that it's a good idea but let me know if his doctor thinks it might make things worse. Also, tell him not to use it yet but to bring it to our next lesson. Let me know if you have any info.
-Debbie
That's the email down to the letter. It's just crazy, I really don't get it. Every day this conflict goes on makes me have less confidence in adults as a majority. If I had been the teacher in this situation, there'd be know way in hell I'd let it get to me, and I certainly wouldn't email the student's mother over something so obviously trivial. And now my mom is fucking mad at me for this dumb thing. Fucking yuck. But I'm trying , really, really hard to get it off my mind and make it not matter; I want to be a strong person like that. If I let it get to me, it's gonna ruin my entire fucking vacation, no doubt about it.
I took a shower in the dark last night.
My bathroom is constructed so that no light can get in from the outside, so I was absolutely blind. I want to describe the experience. I had to keep my eyes closed because they began to throb from the strain of trying to see. It was impossible to see anything. I know my bathroom very well (it's small) so I knew where everything was, but it was impossible to know one bottle from the next. I had to smell them in order to figure out what was the shampoo for dandruff and what was the body wash...
I began to read Franny and Zooey this morning...it looks interesting, but I have to use a lot of concentration to read it; it easy to lose my way in the dark black text with very little spacing between the lines.
Spring Break #1
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Friday, March 13, 2009
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Labels:
Adolescense,
Angst,
Bullshit,
Fun,
High School,
Life,
NYC,
Sexuality,
Sports,
Subway
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As I was walking into another building at school today, the janitor lady passed by. She smelled distinctly of Lysol disinfectant, but at that moment, I got the strangest idea in my head: "she probably uses the stuff as perfume..." ugh, I'm stupid...
I'm still disappointed in my cello teacher. I feel as if this never should have happened, and is a very good indication of how much I didn't know about her, and how much she doesn't know about me after 3 years. I think that it takes a great deal of maturity to be an adult; however, adulthood is often frequented by severe bouts of immaturity, of which this was a perfect example. Oh well.
I was extremely lethargic today, I usually am the day before vacation. It's like a vacuum sucked out all my energy in one go. I had absolutely no stamina. If I'd've had track practice today, I might've collapsed from exhaustion...I'm so out of it...
After school I decided that I'd treat myself to the first taste of vacation. I needed to buy a calligraphy pen (for Japanese characters) and a book that would teach me Kanji for every day life, since I'm planning on going to Japan this summer, if I'm awarded a scholarship. I'm putting so much into the trip, I really hope I make it...
Anyway, I went into the 40's to go to Kinokuniya
View Larger Map
I successfully found a Kanji book for children (level 3 though; I was very satisfied to find that I'd mastered quite a bunch already) and a Kanji pen, both of which were extremely expensive.
I then went to Café Zaya, on 41st btwn Madison and 5th. I wanted to get a Mochi Doughnut, but they were all out so I decided to get a chocolate cream puff. The lady was very nice. Because I had asked so nicely in Japanese, she said, she would give me an extra one for free. Lucky me!...
On to other stuff...:
There was really creepy guy staring at me on the subway today...he really freaked me out. I'm glad that I only needed to stay on for two stops =\...
Also, I've been thinking about this for a while, but it gives me actual physical pleasure to be in a subway station. I don't know what it is...something about how the trains go so fast, holding so many people...it fills me with a feeling I can't describe. I think subways are positively disgusting. I bring Purel around with me all the time now. But from time to time I get this bursting feeling inside myself whenever I'm in a subway station.
When I walked into grand central, a lady with a stroller ran over my foot. She apologized, and I accepted, but I couldn't hold back from saying "fucking bitch" after she had walked away. I couldn't control myself....
When I got on the escalator to go upstairs, a kid behind me goes "nice cursing there, Jacob the Jeweler." I turned around and saw someone I used to go to school with: he had graduated last year. I received this nickname from being on a "teen-trip" to Europe (which I'll talk about in a later entry I think...) wherein the people on it decided to start calling me "Jacob the Jeweler" after a guy who had been selling drugs at a school.
I was so surprised that I had been heard. It was so fucked up really. He went on to say that she had her kid to worry about, and I shouldn't have been angry. What a fucking tool...he also explained that I shouldn't be standing on the left side of the escalator, for the people who wanted to walk faster walked up the left side of it. What the fuckhead forgot to realize was that I was talking to him, so naturally I was on the left side of the escalator. What a dumbass to the max.
Hopefully I'll start to work at my old school, P.S. 290 The Manhattan New School, on Monday. I do it for community service, but also to spend time with the teachers. I work in the computer lab at the school. It started with about 15 crappy Dells; kids had to pair up to use them. Then when the new computer teacher came, Steven Jaffe (who I idolize as an awesome person), he turned it all around and made it into a Macintosh only complab. It's awesome now. It's even more high tech than Horace Mann. He's done so much for the school, I don't even know how he does it. I have a profound amount of respect for him because I'm sure he's gone around the bureaucracy in order to secure the expensive computers...
Tomorrow I hope to go over to Ben's house cuz we're gonna play Resident Evil 5. Yeah!
By the way, Happy 20th Birthday, internet!... http://www.engadget.com/2009/03/13/the-internet-turns-20-fidonet-suffers-abandonment-issues/
^_^
I'm still disappointed in my cello teacher. I feel as if this never should have happened, and is a very good indication of how much I didn't know about her, and how much she doesn't know about me after 3 years. I think that it takes a great deal of maturity to be an adult; however, adulthood is often frequented by severe bouts of immaturity, of which this was a perfect example. Oh well.
I was extremely lethargic today, I usually am the day before vacation. It's like a vacuum sucked out all my energy in one go. I had absolutely no stamina. If I'd've had track practice today, I might've collapsed from exhaustion...I'm so out of it...
After school I decided that I'd treat myself to the first taste of vacation. I needed to buy a calligraphy pen (for Japanese characters) and a book that would teach me Kanji for every day life, since I'm planning on going to Japan this summer, if I'm awarded a scholarship. I'm putting so much into the trip, I really hope I make it...
Anyway, I went into the 40's to go to Kinokuniya
View Larger Map
I successfully found a Kanji book for children (level 3 though; I was very satisfied to find that I'd mastered quite a bunch already) and a Kanji pen, both of which were extremely expensive.
I then went to Café Zaya, on 41st btwn Madison and 5th. I wanted to get a Mochi Doughnut, but they were all out so I decided to get a chocolate cream puff. The lady was very nice. Because I had asked so nicely in Japanese, she said, she would give me an extra one for free. Lucky me!...
On to other stuff...:
There was really creepy guy staring at me on the subway today...he really freaked me out. I'm glad that I only needed to stay on for two stops =\...
Also, I've been thinking about this for a while, but it gives me actual physical pleasure to be in a subway station. I don't know what it is...something about how the trains go so fast, holding so many people...it fills me with a feeling I can't describe. I think subways are positively disgusting. I bring Purel around with me all the time now. But from time to time I get this bursting feeling inside myself whenever I'm in a subway station.
When I walked into grand central, a lady with a stroller ran over my foot. She apologized, and I accepted, but I couldn't hold back from saying "fucking bitch" after she had walked away. I couldn't control myself....
When I got on the escalator to go upstairs, a kid behind me goes "nice cursing there, Jacob the Jeweler." I turned around and saw someone I used to go to school with: he had graduated last year. I received this nickname from being on a "teen-trip" to Europe (which I'll talk about in a later entry I think...) wherein the people on it decided to start calling me "Jacob the Jeweler" after a guy who had been selling drugs at a school.
I was so surprised that I had been heard. It was so fucked up really. He went on to say that she had her kid to worry about, and I shouldn't have been angry. What a fucking tool...he also explained that I shouldn't be standing on the left side of the escalator, for the people who wanted to walk faster walked up the left side of it. What the fuckhead forgot to realize was that I was talking to him, so naturally I was on the left side of the escalator. What a dumbass to the max.
Hopefully I'll start to work at my old school, P.S. 290 The Manhattan New School, on Monday. I do it for community service, but also to spend time with the teachers. I work in the computer lab at the school. It started with about 15 crappy Dells; kids had to pair up to use them. Then when the new computer teacher came, Steven Jaffe (who I idolize as an awesome person), he turned it all around and made it into a Macintosh only complab. It's awesome now. It's even more high tech than Horace Mann. He's done so much for the school, I don't even know how he does it. I have a profound amount of respect for him because I'm sure he's gone around the bureaucracy in order to secure the expensive computers...
Tomorrow I hope to go over to Ben's house cuz we're gonna play Resident Evil 5. Yeah!
By the way, Happy 20th Birthday, internet!... http://www.engadget.com/2009/03/13/the-internet-turns-20-fidonet-suffers-abandonment-issues/
^_^
Today....sucked quite a bit = a rant
There are a lot of things I want to talk about...this is what makes blogging especially useful.
To begin with the smaller things, Track practice was very intense today. It put me in a really cranky mood...
When I got on the subway after practice, a woman eventually got on the train who smelled like vomit, which made me quite sick myself. When she began to eat a slice of pizza, I seriously considered moving to the next car.
When I got to my cello lesson, I was in an extremely bad mood. Practice, the subway, and the fact that I was in a fight with a friend of mind, had made me insensitive to my actions. I unintentionally acted dejected (understandably) during my lesson. My teacher assumed that this was an intentional affront towards her. In retaliation (I use this word because she was especially childish) she ended my lesson 20 minutes early and promptly sent an email (which I found about and hour ago) to my mother detailing how I had been extremely rude and some other extremely trivial stuff of which wouldn't have mattered to any other adult person. I sent her an apology letter where I put myself under all the blame. But I secretly hope that she feels bad when she understands the whole story. Unbelievable.
There are a couple of reasons why I am so angry, which may be a bit repetitive.
First, there is the general understanding among most adults that teenagers are somewhat volatile. Unpredictable...When teenagers make some sort of a mistake, much of the blame is put towards teenager stupidity. This situation happens all the time.
For example, some kids got busted at my school for drug use on a school trip. One of them who had had prior offenses was expelled, but the rest of them were given a suspension. They did something illegal and it was put under the blame of teenage stupidity.
Now take my situation. I was having a very, very bad day. I am not normally rude to anyone, ever. Especially not a teacher, and not a teacher I respect. Today was very bad, as I said. I have lessons on days when things are not going too well, and I tried to reserve myself as I usually do, carrying myself in a respectful manner. But the one FUCKING time that I slip up and am rude, she goes above me and emails my mother, as if I'm a child throwing some sort of tantrum. I am a teenager. I'm between an adult and child, and I embody traits of both. 98.99% of the time I act so maturely. I don't have a FUCKING INCH?!?! Why is it that the one time I slip up, I get eaten fucking alive. It doesn't make sense. It just doesn't make any sense...
I'm done for the night I guess...I ordered a cheddar burger, no bun, with fries; I need some comfort food really badly...
Gabby-
I have a haiku for you (from me to you, a kindred spirit)
It makes me feel good/high in fiber cereal/cleans up my bowels
Hmmm...kinda gross actually....
Also, I ended up reaching a resolution with the friend I had a dispute with...I think things are gonna be okay.
To begin with the smaller things, Track practice was very intense today. It put me in a really cranky mood...
When I got on the subway after practice, a woman eventually got on the train who smelled like vomit, which made me quite sick myself. When she began to eat a slice of pizza, I seriously considered moving to the next car.
When I got to my cello lesson, I was in an extremely bad mood. Practice, the subway, and the fact that I was in a fight with a friend of mind, had made me insensitive to my actions. I unintentionally acted dejected (understandably) during my lesson. My teacher assumed that this was an intentional affront towards her. In retaliation (I use this word because she was especially childish) she ended my lesson 20 minutes early and promptly sent an email (which I found about and hour ago) to my mother detailing how I had been extremely rude and some other extremely trivial stuff of which wouldn't have mattered to any other adult person. I sent her an apology letter where I put myself under all the blame. But I secretly hope that she feels bad when she understands the whole story. Unbelievable.
There are a couple of reasons why I am so angry, which may be a bit repetitive.
First, there is the general understanding among most adults that teenagers are somewhat volatile. Unpredictable...When teenagers make some sort of a mistake, much of the blame is put towards teenager stupidity. This situation happens all the time.
For example, some kids got busted at my school for drug use on a school trip. One of them who had had prior offenses was expelled, but the rest of them were given a suspension. They did something illegal and it was put under the blame of teenage stupidity.
Now take my situation. I was having a very, very bad day. I am not normally rude to anyone, ever. Especially not a teacher, and not a teacher I respect. Today was very bad, as I said. I have lessons on days when things are not going too well, and I tried to reserve myself as I usually do, carrying myself in a respectful manner. But the one FUCKING time that I slip up and am rude, she goes above me and emails my mother, as if I'm a child throwing some sort of tantrum. I am a teenager. I'm between an adult and child, and I embody traits of both. 98.99% of the time I act so maturely. I don't have a FUCKING INCH?!?! Why is it that the one time I slip up, I get eaten fucking alive. It doesn't make sense. It just doesn't make any sense...
I'm done for the night I guess...I ordered a cheddar burger, no bun, with fries; I need some comfort food really badly...
Gabby-
I have a haiku for you (from me to you, a kindred spirit)
It makes me feel good/high in fiber cereal/cleans up my bowels
Hmmm...kinda gross actually....
Also, I ended up reaching a resolution with the friend I had a dispute with...I think things are gonna be okay.
Albums I'm Listening To Now
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Labels:
Life,
Music
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I've been trying to broaden the scope of the music I listen to. I heard a bunch of songs recently and decided to buy the albums, and it turns out I'm a fan of electronic music...among other things... the links below are to the iTunes store.
M83-Before the Dawn Saves Us
http://tinyurl.com/c8vc2h
I was directed to this band by listening to Moby and this was listed as a related album on amazon. I read a review on iTunes which suggested that the average listener download tracks 2,3,5,7,10, and 14. Definitely a good idea...
Moby-Play
http://tinyurl.com/bnaztn
One of Moby's best albums...the songs earlier in the list are the best though.
Arno Elias-Paradise Overdose
http://tinyurl.com/d98by8
Again, the best songs on the album are the ones that come first =\...
Atari Kousuke-Kizuna (Bonds)
http://tinyurl.com/ckm6ou
Best song on the album is the first one. He sings the ending theme song for Natsume Yuujinchyou: http://tinyurl.com/d6ebzk
Callin-Hibi no Uta (Songs of Everyday Life)
http://tinyurl.com/anya6w
I love every song on this album...found out about it from the same Anime.
The Republic Tigers - Keep Color
http://tinyurl.com/cq3je8
I'm sure the entirety of this album is good, but I don't like their music so much. The only song I like is the 1st one on the album. =P
M83-Before the Dawn Saves Us
http://tinyurl.com/c8vc2h
I was directed to this band by listening to Moby and this was listed as a related album on amazon. I read a review on iTunes which suggested that the average listener download tracks 2,3,5,7,10, and 14. Definitely a good idea...
Moby-Play
http://tinyurl.com/bnaztn
One of Moby's best albums...the songs earlier in the list are the best though.
Arno Elias-Paradise Overdose
http://tinyurl.com/d98by8
Again, the best songs on the album are the ones that come first =\...
Atari Kousuke-Kizuna (Bonds)
http://tinyurl.com/ckm6ou
Best song on the album is the first one. He sings the ending theme song for Natsume Yuujinchyou: http://tinyurl.com/d6ebzk
Callin-Hibi no Uta (Songs of Everyday Life)
http://tinyurl.com/anya6w
I love every song on this album...found out about it from the same Anime.
The Republic Tigers - Keep Color
http://tinyurl.com/cq3je8
I'm sure the entirety of this album is good, but I don't like their music so much. The only song I like is the 1st one on the album. =P
Bedtime
I used to be really hung up on the fact that I wasn't in a relationship with someone...
I think after maturing a little bit, it's not so bad; but every now and then I think about how much I could be missing. It makes me depressed, but I really get over it...I have wonderful friends who support me, and I gain stability through them. And I will always support them.
We support each other.
I find that in moments of the greatest weakness, we are the most honest...we have no where else to go; nothing else to lose. In those times, you need friends who can be a crutch, who can hold your head up for you...just for a little while. When these moments come to me, I cannot describe the gratitude I feel to the people who listen to my bullshit, or my true problems.
They're the real heroes in my life.
Gabby, thanks for the haiku...
I'd write you another one, but I'm too tired :) I'll think of one for you tomorrow.
Here's a quote that's fitting to the post, though:
"My sex life stinks"
-Holden Caufield
Hole
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Labels:
Angst,
Life,
Tradgedy
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0
comments
I wrote this poem a long time ago...I wrote it after coming to terms with some things that happened in the past...I'm going to read it on April 3rd at the Barnes and Noble at 66th and Columbus. It's part of a collection of my poems that I'm putting together.
Hole
Up until now, I was stuck in this deep hole.
It wasn’t particularly deep; in fact I could just touch the tips of my fingers to the rim.
But I didn’t have the strength to pull myself out.
The dirty, disgusting, and slimy, and ugly, and oppressive fingers of my prison
had coiled themselves around me and I could no longer break free.
Every day, they crept up a little bit higher up my body,
and by now they were holding my waist in a repulsive fashion, greedily savoring every little drop of hatred for myself that I produced.
The hole followed me everywhere I went, and some days it shrunk itself to a tiny size,
So that no one but I could feel it,
Feel it clutching and sucking on my soul ever faster,
Clinging without any thought to my pain.
And I tried to ignore it,
I did;
But the pain came in little pricks and shocks
Then the stabs and then the gouging and the tears and the blood and the water that
Screamed
From the shower right behind my head
And the sounds of the hundreds of thousands of tiny drops echoing inside my
Prison
Where they pierced my heart and made me remember.
They made me remember why I was in the hole,
And they made me want to break free!
They made me want to break free of the guilt, and the deep dark memories that those
Fingers pulled to the surface and used to make a mockery of me and all that I hold dear,
When all I ever want to do is fix my mistakes.
I am human. I am not flawless.
So I lift myself up, and this time it is I who is pulling at the memories.
I touch every single one,
And I apologize for the burning and the freezing,
For the neglecting and the forgetting,
For anything at all that I had locked up inside, creating that hole that took everything around me and turned it into darkness and made it putrid,
and warped what I had always really been and tried to be.
I take deep breath of the new glistening air,
and I laugh at those wispy, weak, and trivial tendrils of smoke that are desperately trying
to take back their property.
They no longer hold me. They no longer hold me.
Hole
Up until now, I was stuck in this deep hole.
It wasn’t particularly deep; in fact I could just touch the tips of my fingers to the rim.
But I didn’t have the strength to pull myself out.
The dirty, disgusting, and slimy, and ugly, and oppressive fingers of my prison
had coiled themselves around me and I could no longer break free.
Every day, they crept up a little bit higher up my body,
and by now they were holding my waist in a repulsive fashion, greedily savoring every little drop of hatred for myself that I produced.
The hole followed me everywhere I went, and some days it shrunk itself to a tiny size,
So that no one but I could feel it,
Feel it clutching and sucking on my soul ever faster,
Clinging without any thought to my pain.
And I tried to ignore it,
I did;
But the pain came in little pricks and shocks
Then the stabs and then the gouging and the tears and the blood and the water that
Screamed
From the shower right behind my head
And the sounds of the hundreds of thousands of tiny drops echoing inside my
Prison
Where they pierced my heart and made me remember.
They made me remember why I was in the hole,
And they made me want to break free!
They made me want to break free of the guilt, and the deep dark memories that those
Fingers pulled to the surface and used to make a mockery of me and all that I hold dear,
When all I ever want to do is fix my mistakes.
I am human. I am not flawless.
So I lift myself up, and this time it is I who is pulling at the memories.
I touch every single one,
And I apologize for the burning and the freezing,
For the neglecting and the forgetting,
For anything at all that I had locked up inside, creating that hole that took everything around me and turned it into darkness and made it putrid,
and warped what I had always really been and tried to be.
I take deep breath of the new glistening air,
and I laugh at those wispy, weak, and trivial tendrils of smoke that are desperately trying
to take back their property.
They no longer hold me. They no longer hold me.
Track Team
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Labels:
High School,
Life,
Sports
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0
comments
There's something so awesome about being on a team...not only for sports, but in general. For me, the track team is great because it's like having another family; I'm friends with people I'd never have been friends with if I hadn't been on the team...
I couldn't do the winter season because of SAT work. I didn't realize how much I missed it until spring practice began the other day.
I also feel like I'm really taking the initiative to take care of myself. I feel better about everything even though I'm dead tired after practice. Being active makes me feel better about myself...
Even if you can't be on a team, I believe more than ever (I used to be skeptical) that any type of exercise, 15 minutes or 2 hours, goes a long way towards being healthier, and also happier. (had to risk sounding corny)...
I couldn't do the winter season because of SAT work. I didn't realize how much I missed it until spring practice began the other day.
I also feel like I'm really taking the initiative to take care of myself. I feel better about everything even though I'm dead tired after practice. Being active makes me feel better about myself...
Even if you can't be on a team, I believe more than ever (I used to be skeptical) that any type of exercise, 15 minutes or 2 hours, goes a long way towards being healthier, and also happier. (had to risk sounding corny)...
First Post
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Labels:
I
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comments
I'm gonna try blogging because you can be a lot more expressive....a lot more room than 140 characters....
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